I am easily forgotten and often go unheard. The voices I seem to surround myself with are usually louder and more vocally assertive than my own. Outwardly I am passive and inwardly I am not. It does not feel good to go unheard. Being forgotten sucks.
Regardless of what I do, I usually give my all. I do what is expected of me and then I do some more. I sometimes get a ‘thank you,’ or am acknowledged in a different way. At the same time there are instances where I am not acknowledged, and I feel like this is something to which everyone can relate. I have been hurt on several occasions when I have seen an acknowledgement be directed at everyone but me. Sometimes some people around me notice that I was forgotten and acknowledge what I have done; but, sometimes they don’t and I am left wondering if anyone notices anything at all.
Maybe people just don’t expect a lot from me; thus, they don’t notice what they don’t expect to see. There are also times when I don’t believe that I am perceived as an intelligent human being–maybe this explains why some of the things I do for others go unnoticed. Yet, there is very little reason for me to believe that I am not intelligent. I have a functioning brain with which I am capable of thinking so many thoughts. I might have a hard time speaking my thoughts verbally but I can write them, or type them, with much ease. Still, questions about what I write are often directed at someone else rather than at me. As if people do not realize that I wrote the thing; logically, it should make more sense to come to the source of the piece rather than to someone who might be perceived as more intelligent or possessing greater expertise than I. Maybe the issue is that I do not surround myself with very intelligent people. On the other hand, my problem might be that I choose to see myself negatively because of the way I am treated, forgotten, or neglected. If the latter is the case then I’ll conclude that I am not very smart because a smart person would not be affected so fiercely by such petty things.
A friend reminded me that many people are just very self-focused and do not notice a lot outside of themselves. I am sure that at some point in my life I have forgotten to, or neglected to, acknowledge someone who deserved my praise. I know that not being acknowledged can be hurtful, especially if it happens a lot, and I’ll work on becoming more aware of my surroundings when I retreat to focus on myself.